Sooooo...(In the tune of "My Favorite Things - Sound of Music) Control tops and plus size and slimmers a plenty; tight shaper panties oh gosh there's so many; tucking and squeezing; breath holding and pleading...these are a few of my favortie things! Yeah that is my chubby chick getting dressed theme song.
So I bought a new slimmer yesterday. I have one that is like a tank top thingy and it gives my bust a lift - not that I need more attention on my watermelons - and it slims my waist a little and tucks my tummy in a bit. You know tightening up the squishy parts. Well I decided to get a pair of the slimmer shorts that tighten the booty and firm the thighs a bit - although I must say I do have pretty toned thighs. Anyway, I got home yesterday and was changing because I had a meeting to go to at church. So I decided to give this new slimmer a try, no harm in that right? Wrong!
So I start putting it on and no problem legs slip in and okay cool...well as I start pulling that sucker up it gets stuck at my butt! It was like the slimmer put on its proverbial breaks and the fight was on (geesh it's getting hot in here)! I tugged and pulled and jumped and screamed and finally...moved an inch. Wash rinse repeat for about 15 minutes and finally SUCCESS (Geesh it's really hot in here I'm sweating like crazy)! So I walk and pull my jeans out of the dryer and wouldn't you know it the jeans shrunk! (It's really getting hotter by the minute) I hate it when that happens! So I pull my jeans up and proceeded to try and button them up...and then the fight happened. So I hopped on one foot, barked like a dog...just kidding. I sucked in all the air I could possibly suck in, said a chubby girl prayer and VOILA! Put on a cute top and I was ready to go (is the air even on? I'm melting).
So I go check the air because it has to be about 90 degrees in the house. Yeah it's 72 in the house and normally I have a blanket over me at 73 so what's the deal? Anyway, I turned the air down to 69 degrees because clearly the air wasn't working correctly or something. I swear I needed another shower by the time I finished getting dressed, but I settled for trying to cool down with the air lower and me sitting still. Uh oh, I forgot all about sitting down. After about 10 minutes of trying to find a way to comfortably sit, I was hotter than Texas in the Summer time! Still, I finally found a comfortable position (yeah good luck driving) and was trying to relax before I left.
I figured I must have done something really mean to the universe because just as I'm getting settled I have to pee! Um I'm sorry what? You want me to peel this stuff off and start all over again? Maybe I can just hold it...nope won't work for long. Okay here we go. By the time I finished I didn't have it in me to do the spanks dance and I took em off. Whatev! I stuck to my bust booster slimmer and put on me jeans and called it a night. Yeah not trying that one again. Move over Zumba...That was a freakin work out!